Four simple steps to follow when you’re triggered
There are always different perspectives for the same situation
Today I want to share with you a really profound and practical exercise that will help you do just that, no matter what you're struggling with. Follow these four simple steps whenever you’re triggered, going down a mental rabbit hole of doom and gloom, and can’t separate what is just your anxious Inner Critic freaking out or what’s actually happening.
I explore this exercise with many counselling clients, and today, I really want you to have the benefit of this tool in your back pocket too.
Let's get into the four easy steps to follow:
STEP ONE: WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I want you to think about your “Worst-case scenario” story. The scary, 'end of the line' story that you’ve been worrying about.
The story that leaves you scared, homeless, jobless, alone and full of regret.
The story you think will happen that you've been worrying about silently while putting on a happy face or sobbing it out-loud through ugly tears.
Write out your story in full and don't skip any parts of the story.
Start with the trigger that sets off your story, and keep going through all of the thoughts that are related until you get to the very, very scary end line of your story.
Here are a few examples of very real stories from my class to help you think it through (*Shared anonymously with permission).
SCENARIO ONE: CATHERINE'S STORY
“Some plans I’ve made with friends or co-workers get cancelled or changed (The trigger), and I start to panic that I can’t see them soon, and then I think, what if I never get to see them again, even if they’re sick or they really need me? Then I imagine them dying and I can’t ever see them again or even go to their funeral!”
In this scenario, the cancellation of plans leads her to worry that her loved ones will die before she ever gets to see them again.
SCENARIO 2: CARLA'S STORY
“Sometimes when I go to the shops (the trigger) I start to get paranoid I’ve picked something up from people or the produce or just tapping my card, and I become really paranoid when I get home. I start washing everything, but worry I’m still contaminated, and I’ll give the virus to my Mum who has health issues. She’ll get sick and die and it will all be my fault, just because I went to the shops for something I probably could have done without. All my siblings will blame me because I’m the only one who lives with Mum right now."
In this scenario, going to the shops ends up causing someone’s death.
SCENARIO 3: ALI'S STORY
“A long-time client calls my company to cancel all their work with us, (the trigger) and it really starts to make me worry. I have employees and they’re all worried too. We’ve grown close over the years, and as a small business, I know them and their families well. Each time the phone rings, I'm anxious it's someone else cancelling their work with us. All my staff are looking up to me for guidance and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the reason they’re going to go without work, they won’t be able to support their families and they’ll be unemployed long-term. It will be my fault because I couldn’t shift the business online on time, and I convinced them to work with me in the first place.”
As a business owner, Ali is worried about causing long-term employment for her beloved staff, triggered by a client cancelling.
Sometimes these thoughts happen in the flash of an instance, the trigger and the deepest fear seem to happen close together.
Other times you’re spending hours mulling the scenarios over and over.
If I were to ask you, could you cope with that if it happened as it does in your story? You’d probably say no! That's too much to handle!
You’d probably panic, feel anxious, or start to cry: Totally understandable.
And you're probably already starting to feel these symptoms because your body is responding to the thoughts your mind is having.
Your body believes it IS happening, and so it starts to appropriately freak out on your behalf.
Cue sleepless nights, anxious sweets and mental overwhelm.
STEP TWO: WHAT'S FACT AND WHAT'S FEAR?
I’d like you to now review your worst-case scenario and categorise each part of the story into being either a true fact of what’s ACTUALLY happened or a fear-based thought that hasn’t happened.
You can circle the different parts of your story or write it out in two columns.
The fear in you will say “But all of this is going to happen!” but just for today, in the spirit of mindfulness, what is TRUE right now and what is FEAR right now?
STEP THREE: WHAT'S THE TRUTH?
Re-write your story and now, practice just focusing on the truth of the matter. What is your new, short sentence of truth?
“My plans were cancelled.” or “I went to the shops and worried.” or “A client cancelled.”
Stay with just the trigger, the truth. Your trigger also can't be something you're worrying about that hasn't happened. It has to have happened.
Use a full stop to put an end to the snowballing thoughts and interrupt your story.
STEP FOUR: CAN I COPE WITH THE FACTS?
Now ask yourself…can you cope with what’s really happened?
Can you cope with friends cancelling?
'Can you cope with worrying when you go to the shops?
Can you cope with a client cancelling? It's likely that you can.
I’m not saying it will be anxiety-free, but all you can focus on is what is true for today.
When the Inner Critic comes in and wants you to focus on EVERYTHING that’s happened, or EVERYTHING that will PROBABLY DEFINITELY HAPPEN, tell it to step aside for today.
You can’t control what’s happened or what is going to happen, but most things we worry about never happen anyway.
Tell the critical voice that, if it does happen, you will face it then. You will cope with that day, on that day.
When you get triggered again, watch your thoughts and interrupt the story. Use the full stop to put an end to the sentence. Reflect on what is FACT and what is FEAR.
Do your best to cope with what has happened. Repeat your short story to yourself over and over, to help you stay focused and calm, and remind yourself that you CAN cope with that.
That's it! Four Easy Questions
Follow these four simple steps whenever you’re triggered, going down a mental rabbit hole of doom and gloom, and can’t separate what is just your anxious Inner Critic freaking out or what’s actually happening.
Soon, the full stop will be your favourite punctuation mark that ever existed!
The mental exercise can be used for anything!
Let me know, what’s your worst-case scenario story. When you complete the exercise, what was your factual statement?
I look forward to hearing your story and how the exercise was for you.
Warmly,
Gabriella