Why am I attracted to toxic relationships?

There’s that person, that pushes your boundaries, all the time.

You feel uncomfortable after you see them, like you’ve been used.

You struggle to stand up to them,, or are fooled into helping them time and time again.

You dream about them disappearing from your life or being able to block them.

But it's rarely that simple.

It’s good to cut toxic people out, but at the same time, its helpful to reflect on your role in the relationship.

I often say, it's not about who you attract, it’s about who you engage with.

There's often a story we tell ourselves that "I always attract these people, I must have a sign on my forehead that says..."

The thing is, there are many toxic people in the world, floating around, looking for someone to latch on to, but if there is someone toxic in your life, you have (consciously or unconsciously) decided to engage with them at some point.

The problem isn't that you have attracted them, its that you engage with them.

We attract all sorts of people, but we can also keep it moving and not engage with them.

Some questions to reflect on as you move towards cutting these people out:

• How did they come to enter into a relationship with you?

• What was the “hook” they had you on that enabled them to sneak back in?

• What was the hope you held for them to change?

• What was difficult about putting up boundaries?

• What lines did they cross and did you tell them?

• When was the first time you experienced a toxic person in your life, and is this a repeat pattern?

• What part of the drama served you?

• What role did they invite you to play in their lives? The mother, the rescuer, the mistress, the doormat, the fall back, the therapist, the anchor? Is there a part of you that enjoyed playing that role?

• Why did you allow them into your life for long periods of time?

• How do you predict they will attempt to come back into your life, and what strategy can you put in place to ensure you hold your ground?

These are TOUGH questions, but they are out of love.

Can you love yourself enough to ask these questions, and hold your self tightly enough to answer them?

With Loving Kindness,

Gabriella