Moments that change everything
Somethings take decades to articulate what on Earth happened inside you...
When your world fell apart...
When the rug was pulled from under you...
When the one you dedicated yourself to humiliated you...
When the people who you relied on for survival were unreliable...
The moments that happen so fast and hard that you can't breathe enough to utter a word, a sound, or tell someone you need help...
The moments and experiences that no words have ever been invented, in any language, in any civilisation, to describe what just happened inside of you.
The disintegration of your world.
The collapse inwards on your Self as you knew it.
The retreat from wanting to reach out, connect, be open with anyone, anyone at all, ever again.
The flashbacks of the sweet moments right before where you could still taste food, or get to sleep, or be still and not terrified in your own body.
I guess the enormous difficulty of describing your inner world after a trauma is why I spend a lot of time with clients trying to help then language their experiences.
First, practicing with me until we get the words as close as we can, then encouraging clients to own their story.
One day, if at ever possible, sharing their story with safe people.
Sometimes, when we're both exploring putting words to the story, and we're struggling, I ask;
"Have you got any words, any at all, even if they don't make a sentence?
Does it make a sound?
If you could see it, what would it look like?
If it could speak, what would it say?
If it still lives within you, where is its home?
If it could ask for anything right now, what would it need?"
But many times, words will never be enough.
If you're one of those people out there, I see you
